Simple Truths about Me…

Ever had a confrontation with someone and felt like you were incorrectly judged by that person? Ever felt “wow, this person really doesn’t know Me?” I recently felt that way about someone I wanted to know Me, the real Me. So I decided what better way, than to give them some truths about Me, that they themselves can test and hold Me to.

-I LOVE love.

-I believe in love but I try to convince myself it doesn’t exist. I’ve gone as far as to create  a theory about love not existing and it being pheromones which attract us to each other, some being stronger than others.

-The older I have gotten the more I have Mush’d

-I forgive people easily. Only because I still want them in my life.

-I procrastinate, to my own detriment.

-I don’t trust easily.

-I LOVE the beach & road-ing to the country. It’s my favourite place to be. My escape.

-I love having really BIG glasses of wine

-I love hard. In every sense of the word.

-My ultimate goal in life is to be happy & this is how I measure my success. That’s it![I’m not there yet]

-I love to sing but I’m yet to find my voice.

-I love to dance but I’m yet to take the lead role.

-I love words and writing. It makes me happy.

-I used to wish upon stars.

-I love Disney Classics and I’ve been told I’m a 5 yr old in a 20+ yr old body. I take that as a compliment.

-I’d rather be honest and open about how I feel about you, than live with the regret of you not knowing and in turn me not knowing.

-I love 100% honesty. We should all play that game.

-I’m not always easy to deal with and I test people to know if they’re worth sharing Me with.

-I love my mask and I wear it often to hide my hurt. Very few know how to get me to take it off.

-I push people away to protect them from Me.

-I am a Sagittarian and I love December.

-I’m okay with tattoos and piercings. *face palm* My family may have questions 🙂

-Whitney Houston was my music idol. I cried for days on hearing of her death. She’s the reason I wanted to sing and the reason I know I’m yet to find my voice.

-I don’t think I’m beautiful, pretty or gorgeous. I would never describe myself like that. But everyone has good days right…right?!

-If I could manipulate my dreams, I’d be the happiest person in the world. I’d just live there …in my dreams.

-Sometimes I’m psychic… I really am!

-I love KFC [Jamaican] Hot wings.

-Purple makes me very happy.

-I live for the music and the happy moments.

-I’m the Golden Child in my family. The one who cant make mistakes and I hate it.

-I go through bouts of depression, ever so often.

-I am very Spiritual.

-I’m terrified of rejection. I’m always scared of being a bother to people, so sometimes I just don’t talk to anyone.

-I actually love cooking, it calms Me. It is one of my passions and I’ve vowed NO HELPER will EVER cook for my family.

-I think I’m too free spirited for the family I am a part of. I know they don’t know Me or understand Me and I stifle myself around them.

-I don’t believe I am always right and I definitely don’t want to be. I love imperfections, flaws and quirks. I’ve conditioned my mind to find the beauty in them.

-I will be the first to apologize if I’m wrong …and sometimes even if I’m not, because I value someone and what we share. But I do think the onus is on you to prove Me wrong, I dunno. My legal mind?

-I am passionate about Life, Living & People. My Core [Family & Friends], Experiences & Memories are my most prized possessions, I am really BLESSED.

I don’t know if I’ve shared too much… or not enough….

*The End*

The Beauty in Imperfection

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I’ve always loved the pain that came with 100% honesty. The thrill of not knowing what the whole truth is or knowing the whole truth, but not knowing if your counterpart will be brave enough to bestow its harshness unwaveringly. There’s a risk, an anxiety, a moment or a few moments in between the questions and the answers, where our breath stops and we question “Am I ready for it?”

I like those imperfect moments, they remind Me I’m human.

I speak a lot about imperfections, admittedly, I find them beautiful and intriguing.

Short Story:
We are seemingly raised in a society that dictates and stipulates perfection. It is what most, if not all of us, strive for.

Though our ideals of perfection may defer, this is the general game plan…
…to marry the perfect [wo]man, to have the perfect job, perfect home, perfect car, perfect life.

We are thrust into these ideals of what will give us this “perfect” life from before most of us even understand what the word means. From the schools and social circles we’re groomed for by our parents to the celebrities we watch on Tv with their perfectly structured or contoured body parts. Perfection is it!

I was once an avid believer in this perfection, until the Universe of which I am now a humble child, knocked me clear on my ass. The perfect world I had created slowly and surely crumbled around Me. It was devastating to say the least, but I also learned to see the beauty in being imperfect. Now, the beauty in imperfection is all I see and it takes my breath away daily.

I find it human to be imperfect and in that, is where I find perfection. Its weird I know, and possibly not even worth blogging about, but I find it intriguing that…
..its the scars that have got me here, and the tears I’ve cried, the fights, the sleepless nights, the sads and the happies; its the kinks in my hair, the skinniness of my legs, the wrinkles and freckles and the dimple that’s barely there …but is. Its the stretch marks and big nose and arch in my back; its all of this, these flaws that the world, enemies and friends, have used to break me that makes me perfectly me. Its every mistake that you can’t forgive or the rumours you’ve heard, that you’ve easily believed; the words that didn’t come out right.

I now appreciate the beauty in my imperfections and I’m learning to see that imperfect beauty in others. I’m fascinated by being imperfect, in a world that demands and stipulates a perfection that I can’t fit into.

What is Love: How does it End? [pt 3]

I didn’t write these posts to tell a story nor to bash anyone. I wrote them because I was inspired to, based on the relationships and lack thereof; the discussions and opinions of love and relationships among some members of my generation. Also, please note though my examples may reference Éros type of Love, my words are applicable to the Four Types of Love.

I don’t know if we’ve realized it yet but we are the ones next in line to be parents, we’re the adults; the movers and shakers and business moguls of our time. We’re at that point now, it’s time to put away childish things. This is that moment when we stop taking everything so lightly, step into adulthood and all it entails. Part of what it entails is being the procurers of a future-relatively functional-generation[if you’re into that reproduction thing and even if you aren’t…]. We are at the stage where what we value, our belief systems and morals become crucial, as this is what we have to pass on to the next set of flawed humans. If we can identify what we’re doing wrong in this Love thing, maybe it isn’t too late to fix it. Simply, how do we mitigate the damage that our flawed perceptions of Love and relationships have caused, for future little humans? How do we Love more beautifully, more selflessly and less pompously?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. I wish I did so I could ease my own broken heart, but I don’t. Being just as flawed as anyone else, I don’t get it right. But having highlighted the faults in my Love, learning I am not the epitome of a great lover and realizing I don’t want the next generation-whether my younger sibling, cousins or own children-to be plagued by this deficiency, I have to decide to change something, anything. Whether it’s changing that I take Love and loved ones for granted, how I may treat my partner [my 80], for Mr. Tall Dark & Can’t Commit [who’s a 20], as the Taker in the relationship. Or, that I am unable to love freely, giving of myself and my heart freely without it being validated or reciprocated, as the Giver. None of which will be easy to change having been conditioned to love the way I do. But I suppose that is where the answer to how this ends can be found. That is how the Giver and the Taker come together, that is how they have a fulfilling relationship: they identify the faults in their Love, acknowledge and accept their imperfect self, while making a commitment to change something, anything, about their flawed way of loving.

It’s in the not giving up, no matter what.

I know I have taken so many people’s Love for granted that the task of changing now become’s more daunting but it’s worth it.

What is Love: The Taker [pt 2]

Continuing from last week's post... Now part 2 may offend, but again just keep reading. The most that will happen is that for all of 5mins, Aye rambled. You'll survive.

The Taker:

Now the person receiving your adulation and affections, we’ll call …the Taker. This one has the most problems, flaws, imperfections, obstacles …child! And guess what, we are ALL the Taker, because someone, somewhere, at some time or the other, has loved us. One of the biggest problems with the Taker being, we take the Giver for granted …scratch that we take Love for granted. We are proud and so, incapable of seeing our short comings; we are flawed and unable to see the gift in Love and the simplistic beauty in the act of being loved.

Now imagine, you have a flawed Giver-giving all their love and expecting reciprocity- and you the Taker are taking all of this love, niceness and mountain moving, and not even thinking of giving it back? …Or worse giving it back, conditionally?

Hello!? That’s like getting an unwarranted gift and then stipulating that it needs to be at a certain price point. 

But really though, where y’all learn that at? You are getting Love-and it is a gift to be loved, please believe-even for the wrong reasons, the gift is in the loving- and you have the audacity to receive the love on conditions?

Sadly we are apart of a society that does not know how to receive love. No one teaches us that in school but they expect us to be functioning loving adults later …right!? We take the love we receive for granted and demand the love we’re given be tailored to our preferences.

That’s why y’all can’t be loyal, that’s why your getting 80 but focusing on the 20 in your DMs with the cute face and slim waist. That’s why brown and good hair, rich or ‘ave money, are a thing. Pfft!!

Did y’all know love doesn’t have a look, or a status, or money? Its not black or white, rich or poor, old or young. That’s not to say we aren’t entitled to our preferences, but if your preference is so rigid that you can’t fathom loving outside those limitations, then Boo you’re not doing it right. Half of y’all won’t admit to this anyway, because simply you’re flawed, and society stipulates perfection.

So, I’ll ask this, how many times have you ever cheated on your partner-someone you KNOW loves you? How many times have you stopped dating someone you know cares about you and is a great person [your 80] because someone prettier [your 20] laughed at your joke and may have learned your name? How many times have you flirted, said something inappropriate “for jokes”, said something hurtful “for jokes” at the expense of your partner? Welcomed advances from someone whose intentions you knew were less than favourable to the committed relationship you were in? or simply, made your partner feel less than appreciated, for whatever reason?

I’m just curious…

I’m not perfect either and just as flawed as most. I’m guilty of being The Giver and The Taker …more so the Giver.

Love Me back dammit!!!!